OBSERVATIONS: Homecoming

So homecoming is ridiculous. I ran a one night pretend campaign for Homecoming King and then gave up. (My slogan was Mike LaHaye for Homecoming King. Why the fuck not?).
Anyway, I decided that to pretend to run was to simply validate the whole process, and decided that I would just ignore Homecoming. Until I got this:

Heyyy Mike,

I know we have never met, but my name is Ali Miller (friend me on facebook!) and I am running for Homecoming Queen of Virginia Tech, sponsored by Alpha Phi. Right now, for 2 seconds, it would mean so much if you just clicked on this VT link, looked at the left-hand side and clicked on VOTE NOW button.

http://www.vthomecoming.org.vt.edu/

It's so easy and I hate throwing flyers at everyone on the drillfield. This is less annoying...

Thank you so much!
and check out my music video if you have any doubts of voting for me :) Tyrod's in it!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P65vC4eJQto

--
Alison Miller
College of Liberal Arts
443-880-3995
acmiller12@gmail.com

Clearly, some chick getting my email and sending me shit deserved a response, so I got a little bit creative and replied with this:

I was walkin’ cross the drill field
and a girl walks up to me and asks me to vote for homecoming queen
Much hotter. More Spirit.
Man, I’m not vote for homecoming queen

I threw it on the ground!
You must think I’m a joke!
I ain’t gonna be part of this system!
Man, give that paper to another jackass!
go to my favorite dining hall
and the chick says, “I see you all the time! Won’t you vote for me.”
I said, “Man, what I look like, a high schooler?”
I took it, and threw it on the ground!
I don’t need your handouts!
I’m an adult!
Please, you can’t buy me homecoming queen!
At the farmer’s market with my so-called “girlfriend”
She hands me her cellphone, says it’s the queen.
Man, this ain’t my queen. This is a cellphone!
I threw it on the ground!
What you think I’m stupid?
I’m not a part of this system!
My queen’s not a phone! Duh!
Some frat boy hands me candy at a party
What you want me to do with this, eat it?
Happy homecoming to the ground!
I threw the rest of your frat too!
Welcome to the real world, jackass!
So many things to throw on the ground
Like this, and this, and that. And even this.
I’m an adult!
Two sorority phonys trying to give me their vote.
Ground! Nobody needs a homecoming! Phonys!
Then the two phonys got up. Turns out they had a taser.
And they tased me in the butt hole.
I fell to the ground.
The phonys didn’t let up.
Tasing on my butt hole, over and over.
I was screaming and squirming
My butt hole was on fire!
The moral of this story is: you can’t trust the system!
Man!