F*** you, Penguin

So, the Fuck you penguin guy wrote his book and I guess discovered that we were all bored of him getting angry at cute animals, so he has decided to change it up, and it has a lot of potential.

The story is that he got "captured by evil penguins" who are now the ones publishing his blog. This is from a recent post:

1. Penguins actually can fly, but they choose not to do so because they don't want humans to think that penguins believe they are better than everyone.
2. Penguins have the highest percentage of church attendance in the animal kingdom. Unless you don't like that sort of thing, in which case they are agnostic leaning towards secular humanism.
3. Penguins love NASCAR because it puts them in touch with their working class roots.
4. There has never been an incidence of any penguin using the term "Bros before hos."
5. While there are a small percentage of penguins that hog the spotlight, the vast majority are private birds who just want to live their lives and avoid hurting humans.